I have had the privilege of being alongside some people very close to me as they transitioned to Heaven.
People who are about to die get VERY real.
All pretense is stripped. If they believe, they lean in close to God. We can learn SO much about living from the dying.
Twenty years ago, my mom faced an untimely end to her earthly life at the age of 63. She was a funny, strong woman who would have smiled at that, wondering aloud who, at the end of her life, says, "Wow! This is timely!"?
Two years ago, Dan, my husband of 23 years, went to Heaven after a four year cancer battle. We were able to spend his last few months together, uninterrupted, living pretty much in our bedroom, a tiny limited world of IVs, hospice nurses, and Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, but with opportunity for endless conversation.
Here are
FIVE THINGS YOU'LL PROBABLY NOT REGRET, which I've collected by saying goodbye to some amazing souls--my mom, husband, dad, patients I cared for as a nursing student.
1. GOING FOR IT
"Wherever you go, there you are." This was from my mom. She was taking a quote from Thomas a Kempis (
The Imitation of Christ) out of context, flipping it on its end, reinterpreting.
She meant, GO FOR IT.
Have a dream? Afraid? Why are you afraid? Wherever you go, you are still you, and you had the passion to dream it...so try it. DO NOT believe the lies in your head that tell you that you can't, or that you aren't.
TRY. If you fail, you can try again.
2. DOING WHAT YOU LOVE
"Never stop drumming. This was from Dan, in a letter to Jonathan.
Many hospice patients note at the end of their lives that they'd wished they'd been less afraid to be themselves. Less afraid to be, embrace, who God created them to uniquely be.
If you find something you love to do, you are probably really good at it. If you are really good at it, it's a GIFT that should not be squandered.
Find a way to do what you love.
3. JUST SAYING IT
My dad passed away just months after Dan. He was just beyond his second or third year of being only 89. Just before he passed away I learned he was a believer.
I asked if I could pray for him one night before I left a visit, knowing he probably had just days left on earth.
He said, in a super grumpy tone, "It's too late to pray!"
I told him it's never to late to pray.
In a still-irritated voice he said, "NO. I mean I'm tired! It's late. I want to sleep."
I asked him if he understood what Christ did for him on the cross, and in simple words he said yes, and explained the Gospel beautifully. I wish he'd told me before. We could have had some great conversations.
Many patients at the end of life express regret over not expressing their feelings. My dad also mumbled "I love you" a couple times in his final days. This is not something my WWII-Gen Dad said often.
Just say it.
4. EMBRACING DIFFICULTY
"It's stuff for life." This was the daily from a man everyone called, "Red." He was my patient at a nursing home where I learned nursing was not my gift.
He had a thick shock of white hair, was bound to a wheelchair he always wanted positioned near a window, and I am thinking he was a redhead in younger years because he still had that wild look in his eyes. And because everyone called him "Red."
Trials? They are stuff for life. Dan told me he would NOT have traded his battle with cancer for a long life. It brought him the closest he'd ever been to God, and that was a really good place to be.
Embrace trials. Let them shape you.
5. WORKING LESS, PEOPLING MORE
Most of us allow our careers to become a huge part of our identities. Dan realized in his last six months that while working hard was valuable, he often missed the people. I saw him grow in love, interest and appreciation for his family, his friends, coworkers, in a way I'd never seen before.
Love people.
6. LAUGHING MORE
Dan was the most fearlessly funny Dan he'd ever been during his last few months of life. He had learned to laugh at himself, and find humor in situations he couldn't control.
By November, 2014, he was tired. He hadn't left his bed in well over a month.
Our worship leader, Daniel, would often come by after church to play the weekend's songs for him. We'd sing, pray...and laugh
"Dan," Daniel began, one late November Sunday, "can I play a few worship songs for you?"
He'd asked this each Sunday for at least a month.
"NOOOOOOO," Dan replied. "I'll pass." [very serious look, rolls eyes, shakes head]
Lonnnnng...awkward...pause.
Then he laughed.
"Of course. I was just teasing." He had learned to laugh, even in the most difficult times.
Laugh.
3. Saying hey to the animals at Wild Lights at the 
