I felt pressured to address the tragedy in Sutherland Springs, Texas, but felt also that I had nothing to say that would properly address it, encourage anyone, or alleviate any pain.
* * *
The facts are that a gunman took the lives of most of the congregation within a tiny church in Texas...26 people killed...17 months to 77 years old...a pastor's teenaged daughter among them, all apparently over a domestic dispute.
Those are the facts. And since those are the facts, what could anyone say to make this better, just one day out?
Probably nothing.
I've experienced some senseless loss in my own life, and there are a few things I know we should NOT say, because they were said to me by well-meaning friends.
Things like, "I know how you feel," or "let me tell you about my great uncle's best friend's Golden Retriever's cancer," or, the worst ever at the wrong time, "God has a PLAN in this, and He will bring good out of it."
I mean, that last statement is TRUE. But it's really not something to say to someone who is in the very middle of the depths of despair and loss. That can and will come later, but not now.
Here are FIVE THINGS you COULD say to someone who is some serious pain. I've gathered these from my own experiences and from those close to me who have suffered inexplicable loss.
1. This really sucks. ...Or, this really is awful/heartbreaking/painful.
2. My heart breaks WITH yours. ...Empathy from others is felt when it's real. Just sitting in the heartbreak with someone, right where they are, can take the edge off the pain.
3. You are NOT ALONE. ...Then, don't leave them alone...just show up, be present...physically or in calls or even texts that say JUST that: "I am here. I am with you. I'm not leaving you alone in this."
4. You are doing GREAT. ...If possible, be specific: "Look at you. You are standing. You showered today."
5. Nothing. ...Sometimes saying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is best.
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